Trey's Saturday morning soccer game.
The weather has been amazing this past week. And I’ve been doing yoga at least 3 times per week since the end of January. I feel strong and flexible and good. And I’m slowly letting go of my fear. My fear of Trey’s brain being affected (if you’re new to the blog, you’ll need to read back to get details about my fear). I was lying in savasana today, doing my gratitude practice before the yoga class began and I realized that I haven’t had serious fear in a long time. Well, long time relatively speaking. 🙂
The last time I can remember it was December. I’m sure I’ve had smaller moments since then, and even now I have moments, like when I hear someone frustrated with Trey, but they are momentary. A bit more than a passing thought. I can’t think of any other examples right now. Cool. Before, when Trey would put his shoes on backwards, I’d go straight to fear and not be able to get rid of it for a while. Now, I just go with it. I have so many examples of that. Trey waits super long to go to the bathroom, so that by the time he gets to the toilet, he’s dancing. He used to start peeing before he could sit on the toilet. That used to put me into a place of all consuming fear. Not anymore. This is him. He’s got quirks. Like everyone else. Our neighbour told me yesterday, that her child, who is 6 monthes older than Trey, still wears pull ups at night. Like Trey. And Ave (Sadie’s doesn’t, the little monkey). I wish I heard that when I was so full of fear. But now it makes me chuckle.
That gripping fear that sidelines all my other thoughts, and consumes me for minutes or hours or days, depending on what happened, until I can get my thoughts back on track, has not been with me in a while. It’s slow going, but I’m letting go. And it is amazing.
Now my challenge is not to be complacent. Not that I am or think I will be, but it’s something for me to pay attention to. I don’t ever want to take life for granted. Shit happens. And not just to Trey. So I’m gonna live and love it.
Love to you all,
Deb