I often wonder how much of an effect this diagnosis has had on me. Yesterday I was sitting on the floor in our house holding my tummy due to menstrual cramps when Sadie walked up to me, patted my shoulder, and said “mum” with concern. She didn’t know what was wrong, but she was concerned for me, so gave me a hug. I said to her: “Thanks Sadie. You’ll get to feel this one day.” Not a millisecond later, a feeling/thought entered my body. It was along the lines of: “hopefully, likely, probably.” A millisecond after I made a statement about Sadie existing in the future, the reminder of her mortality stepped in.
I do wonder how many parents have this thought the second after they make a statement regarding their child’s future. I was actually happy to have the thought because I realized that these thoughts don’t just happen to me with Trey, but all my kids. Warped, I know.
I have also pondered about all the people out there who have only one child. Not parents with a child who has a diagnosis, as they have already been forced to bring their child’s mortality into reality, but parents with only one child who have not received a diagnosis like MPS. How can any couple have only one child I think to myself? What happens if that child dies?
I don’t actually think there’s anything wrong with having only one child. What my thoughts about all of this make me realize is how much of an effect the MPS diagnosis has had on me, my thoughts, my beliefs.
